The Battle over Your Own Story
I’ve been away from my website for a couple of months. The sudden death of my father-in-law has taken some time to process and come to terms with. But I’ve been carrying some fresh thoughts that I wanted to form some words around, so here is an attempt to make those thoughts coherent.
Despite taking quite a big step back from social media recently, the times that I’ve allowed myself a few moments to peruse it, I become increasingly aware of the cold truth that looking at the story reels of other people’s lives is not very healthy. (Or maybe it’s like 10% happy, 90% unhelpful.)
I had a nearly 5 year hiatus from social media all together a few years back, and when I re-entered it, I loved how connected I felt to friends and family. But within a short time, I began calling Instagram, ‘Comparagram’, and I had to limit my intake to sips instead of gulps.
It’s a dangerous and vulnerable thing to put myself in a position where I am viewing a million images or stories a day that show me what my life COULD be like.
This is the opposite of having gratitude for what I have been given.
I am not trying to rant on social media - I do use it a lot. But rather, this is my own intrinsic awareness that if I don’t have a plumb line within myself of who I am and where I am going, then the slightest wind will set me off course. I become easily entangled with what I THOUGHT my life WOULD look like, or SHOULD look like, or MIGHT look like if x,y, and z could line up differently for me.
I can also begin to second guess my own decisions. And this I find disturbing.
It’s eerie to me is that I can make an educated, thoughtful, prayerful, weighed decision, but the moment I begin to compare myself to someone else’s journey or story or decisions for themselves or their family, if I’m not careful, I begin to doubt my own choices too. Comparison enters in through the tiniest of cracks, and before you know it, it’s launched an all-out heist on your heart and soul.
This is not OK.
I have not made perfect decisions in my life. I’ve tried to make good decisions based on the knowledge that I had in the moment. Looking back, some decisions I am pleased with; others, I would have done differently. But such is life. We live and learn.
What I’m trying to get at though is that finding your inner compass will help keep you from floating adrift when the wind and waves begin lapping up at your boat. And since I’m going with this boat analogy, let’s think about these questions:
1) What kind of boat do I have? What kind of boat do I not have? (Is there a place of acceptance I need to form surrounding this?)
2) What things was my boat created for? What was it not created for?
3) Where is my destination? Where am I headed?
If you don’t know the answer to these questions, that’s alright. At 20 years old, I thought I knew those answers, but I believe they’ve all changed since then! And, truth be told, I think my answers are still evolving.
I can go with what I’ve got though. I can make confident decisions no matter if everyone else’s lives or story reels differ dramatically to mine - even if my life seems small, or quaint, or undramatic. My life was a gift given to me, not so that I can put on a show for others, but so that I can love the people in front of me with the gifts and talents that I’ve been given.
I know that I’ll find far more enjoyment in my life if I can accept it and work with it, rather than constantly striving for a life I wish I had.
So fight off those enemies of comparison and doubt, and be anchored in to the beauty of your own story.