Do you find it difficult to love?

I think most of us find that love doesn’t always come easily, or naturally. And if we equate love with a gushy feeling, what do we do when that feeling isn’t there?

The old adage of “love thy neighbour” sounds nice, but, let’s be honest: It ain’t easy.

I look at my children, who span a decade apart. The youngest can sometimes feel “easier” to love on a practical level because I know what to DO. Love for him means food, or comforting arms, or a plain, old bedtime story.

My older ones are more beautifully complex. To love them requires intentionality. I have to look at their hearts more, their souls, and decide HOW I will love in order that they might most benefit.

I think the same thing is required when I look at those around me - my neighbours, the people I pass on the street, or at the grocery store. Love has to be intentional. It’s not always a feeling.

But something I’m learning is that sometimes if I want to love at all, I’m going to have to just go on and take a brave step - even if that means loving “awkwardly”.

I always picture love being something smooth and suave. A picture-perfect display of affection or generosity. But the reality is that my love is mostly awkward. I fumble over my words. I don’t know what to say. I say things I wished I’d expressed better. I give a small gift or card to someone that seems like such a pittance. Then I berate myself afterwards for not loving better.

Anyone else relate?

Sometime recently while I was once again fumbling over words with my daughter, and looking into my brain for what to say but only finding it VOID OF WORDS, I came to this conclusion: it is still better for me to love awkwardly than to withhold love.

If love is spelled a-c-t-i-o-n, then I can love with a hug even when I don’t have words. Or I can love with a simple card popped through the mail slot even when I don't have the courage to knock on a door. Love is being willing to take baby steps, and awkward steps, for the sake of the one being loved.

Love won’t always be praised, or even received, but it’s still the right thing to do.

And on the flip side of this all, perhaps we can learn to appreciate the ones in our lives who are already making those awkward attempts at loving US. Those who truly care for us, but don't always know how to express love in the way they would like to (or in the way we would most want it given to us).

Choose to be aware of and appreciate those who are awkwardly loving us, and intentionally look for small ways to love others - even if it feels awkward. It will make the world shine a bit brighter.